Working mom

Sometimes I long to be a Stay At Home Mom.  Sometimes, I wish that I never missed a single moment with my kiddo.  Sometimes, I feel like a failure as a mom because I am not home more. 

Then I realize that I am a good mom.  I realize that I am going to miss a few moments here and there.  I realize that because I am not home every minute, that I cherish the times I am home even more. 

I work at least 40 hours per week and have then entire time that Brayden has been born (except the 13 weeks I was on maternity leave and he was in the NICU and 1 month for transplant).  I have a fairly important job within the Emergency Department and the hospital itself.  I have things that I do that nobody else in the whole hospital know how to do.  I have responsibilities.  I also have a responsibility at home to be a good mom, a great mom.  So I do both. 

I have been blessed with an amazing family.  My mom, my lifesaver, has been there since day one to be a Stay at home Gran.  She keeps him 3 days a week and Kyle's dad keeps Brayden 2 days a week.  It is very hard on them, a highly intelligent, high energy 2 year old will wear anybody down!! 

Without my family to keep Brayden, I would have been forced to be a SAHM or Kyle would have to stay home and I work.  Daycares just dont have the facilities to care for a child with chronic illness and Brayden didnt/doesnt qualify for many services that other special needs kids get.  So, I work.  He gets to play w his grandparents and be happy and I work. 

I work and I love my job but sometimes I get down on myself about not being one of those "crafty" mom's .  I was trying to do an art project w Brayden the other day and it wasnt going to so well.  Kyle came to help and his project looked great.  Brayden was having fun but not because of me.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a complete failure as a mom.  It was so bad that I cried!  After my little pity party, I put my big girl panties back on and tried again and it turned out pretty well.  But still......I sometimes wish that I was one of those moms.  I wish that I was the cool mom that came to class at school to help with art projects for the class.  Maybe one day I will be, but for now I am mostly content with being a Working Mom.