Taking care of my "medically difficult" baby sometimes takes a toll on my brain. The other day, I was driving down the road and became overwhelmed with emotion.
I was thinking about the day that Buddy would get his transplant. I was happy that my baby boy would feel better but I am also scared to death that somthing will happen to him and I will loose him. That moment was when I realized for the first time that when he gets his transplant that I will be in the waiting room all alone. My family will be there with me but I will feel all alone because the 2 people that I love the most will be in the OR. Kyle will not be there to distract me or for me to lean on . I realized that I will have to say goodbye to my soul mate and then give up my child to the nurses and doctors in the OR. I have never handed over Buddy to the OR people, Kyle has always done that for me because I just can't do it. I dont want him thinking that I am giving him away. I am so scared but so anxious at the same time...I guess that is normal..
I am so frustrated......Buddy throws up 10-15 times a day. I realize that this seems to be a normal thing for babies on dialysis but still, it bothers me. It wouldnt bother me so much if he would just throw up and be done with it....NO, he gaggs then dry heaves then throws up then cries because it hurts.....It is a 2 minute ordeal. If he throws up 15 times a day....that's 30 minutes a day that he is throwing up......how awful is that?????
Yesterday, we went to see Dr. Malagon.....She is SOOO happy with his progress. He weighed 6.53kg ( 14.5 lb) was 61.7cm long and his head was 41 cm around.
Labs were okay....some were up but we are changing formula to fix that....
(((Jenny)))) Honestly, for us, I've found that just about the worst part of all of this is the throwing up. If it were just the cleaning it up, it wouldn't be a big deal. Especially since you get so adept at catching it without the big mess. It's how much it makes them uncomfortable. I can't even imagine what it's like for them. I would assume like having a permanent stomach virus. This and the risk of infection (Logey's had 3, well 2 and 1 that came back) are my two highest reasons for wanting him transplanted ASAP. I'm so sorry that your little Buddy is having to go through this.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the surgery goes, the last time Logey had surgery they gave him something (can't remember the name as I was by myself and teary.) but Logey didn't even cry leaving me. I know they have to be over 1 to have it because it was the first time he was able to have it. I'm sure you'll know what it is. I'm hoping they can give it to him to help his separation anxiety and therefore mine--before his transplant. I don't know that I can hand him over if he's in tears going in.
Hey Jenny! I didn't know you had a blog! Glad you found mine. :) I'll now be able to keep up with your little studmuffin man and his upcoming transplant. More than half way there with weight...YAY!
ReplyDeleteAgain, let me know if you have any questions regarding Egleston or Emory (if you husband has questions about donating). I'm an open book.
Your son is precious. It's nice to finally "meet" you. :)
Karen - Matthew's mommy PUV site.